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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?